Three New Stories

I don't know, but maybe you won't even find these funny if you aren't in school everyday and aren't looking for some humor among the chaos. I, however, thought these were worthy of remembering (and my book, when I am retired). By the way, none of these happened in my classroom but they all did happen at my school.

1. The teacher was teaching singular possessive nouns and put a sentence on the board. The students were to decide where the possessive nouns was and then fix the sentence. The sentence read, "The soccer teams game was called off." One astute student raises his hand and says, "That's not the name of the soccer team. They are called the Cougars." hahahahaha

2. The P.E. teacher had put up with one older student always making fun of the other students when they couldn't catch the ball. Or the boy would throw the ball in a manner that the ball couldn't be caught and then he would ridicule the student that had missed it. So, the P.E. teacher decided to teach this "bully" a lesson. He threw the ball to the boy so that he couldn't catch it. Sure enough he missed it, but it did smack him right in the face. The P.E. teacher felt horrible and ran up to the boy. Immediately the boy checks his teeth and then says, "I could make a lot of money here." The P.E. teacher says, "Awe, suing is just for people who are mean," thinking that maybe this wasn't a very good lesson after all. The boy looked at him, quite inquisitively, and said, "What? Haven't you ever heard of the Tooth Fairy?" hahahahahaha

3. The first grade has been talking about Dr. Seuss, since his birthday is on March 2nd. One of the classes has read "There's a Wocket in My Pocket" several times. So, a little girl decided to bring her "wocket" to school with her. Her "wocket" was a little white mouse, stuffed up her sleeve. She probably could have kept it there all day without anyone noticing if she just hadn't gotten hungry. She got off the bus and headed to breakfast. As she tried to eat her sausage biscuit the little mouse decided he wanted some too and crawled out of her sleeve to get a bite. Quickly she pushed him back into the hiding place. Once again he came out for a little nibble. But, this time one of the teachers just happened to walk by and spy him. Carefully (I would have screamed and jumped up on the nearest table, which would do no good because she was sitting at the table and the mouse wasn't on the floor. So what good would it have done to be on a table?) this very kind teacher cradled the mouse in her hands (bluck, bluck, bluck - gagging sounds) and walked to the office where they so kindly placed it in an empty kleenex box with some soft cotton to keep it comfy until mom could come. Unfortunately, mom was not going to come because she couldn't be reached.

So, here was our poor secretary with a mouse in a kleenex box beside her all day. When night came the mouse was still here. Some wise person said to put it inside a tall plastic container so that it could not escape. Good thing because there were a lot of little mouse droppings in the container when the office personnel returned in this morning.

A couple new students came to register for school today. They were so excited to see that our school had a "School Pet" that they can't wait to come back tomorrow. Hopefully it will be gone by then.

Attendance Issues

Seriously, if you've got a kid, you've gotta be smart enough to know that sending them to school is the best thing for them. In fact, if you aren't going to send them to school, or REALLY home-school them, then don't have kids. If you can't get out of bed in the morning to send them to school, and expect your 7 year old it do it themselves, then you shouldn't have brought that sweet child into your life. (I hope that hasn't offended anyone.) Be a parent for heaven's sake.

Ok, that's what I've wanted to tell some parents. Attendance can be such an issue at schools. Our funding is based upon attendance. Also, my worth as a teacher is based upon the students progress in school. If the students don't come, I can't teach, and hence, those parents aren't only messing with their kid's life, they are messing with mine. AND I DON'T LIKE IT!!!! In our school district there is a 10 absence policy per semester. If the student is absent more than that they are to be referred to the Magistrate Judge for truancy. Now, if their is a health problem, or a huge two week vacation on a cruise to Alaska and Hawaii (which has happened) that is one thing. But, if it is just because the parent couldn't get up, then that really ticks me off.

One student in my class had missed 13 days last semester. He didn't ever have the swine flu but his sister did have the stomach flu and an older sister broke a wrist. Why that kept him home I don't know. Our new semester started last week (7 days ago). And so far, he has missed 5 days. Why? His parent's checked him out early last Monday (last week) and he didn't come back until Thursday. Why? Well, they ran out of gas in Idaho Falls. Grandpa couldn't bring them gas until Tuesday night. So, the family got a hotel room (remember they couldn't buy gas) and spent the night. They got home at 9:30 Tuesday night. That was too late to wake him up at 7:30 for school the next day. Instead, he woke up at 7:45 to watch cartoons all day. This week, he has surgery on Wednesday and hasn't been able to come to school Monday or Tuesday. But, he has been outside playing in the snow each day. I know. I got the report from other students in my class and I drove by their house and saw with my own eyes.

This is just a funny (and sad) story. Our secretary calls the homes of all the absent students. Yesterday she called the home of a 3rd grade boy. His mom answered and said, "We are all sick. Everyone in the family has a fever and is still in bed. Could you please send home his homework? And, could you also send home ____'s (2nd grade sister) homework? She is really not feeling good." Then Martha said, "But, (sister) is here." Mom, "What? She's there?" This was about two hours after school has started. The teacher checked for a fever and she did have a whoppin' 99 degree fever. So, the teacher sent her home and I saw her pedaling her little bike back down the road. Come on. It had been two hours and you weren't missing your 7 year old.

Okay. I feel a lot better after having spouted all that out. Whew! This blog is good for my health.