Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

I've never heard so many excuses for homework not being done. Every day a plethora of children rattled off their reasons for not completing two minutes of math and fifteen minutes of reading. I listen, pull a very sorry face, say, "That's a bummer!", and then tell each child, one by one, to put their name on the board to stay in recess to complete that homework. (My fellow teacher talked to a parent at the end of school today who is going to file a complaint with the school district against her. Why? Because she made the student stay in to complete homework. Heaven forbid that someone should teach children about responsibility!) I've decided to write a few of the more memorable excuses.

1.  "I couldn't write. I hurt my left thumb." "But you write with your right hand." "Oh!"
2.  "I couldn't do my homework because my cat hid my homework folder." "Cat's don't hide folders." "Yah, but they hide things."
3.  "My mom hid the folder with my math in it." "Why?" "Because she was punishing me for not doing the homework when she told me to." "When do you get your folder back?" "When my homework is finished. But, my homework is in the folder." (Later found out that was true.)
4.  "I was at my grandma's house all night." "Why didn't you do your homework there?" "She doesn't have anything to write with." "Surely she has a pencil or pen." "Nope. When the police came with the search warrant they took EVERYTHING." "They wouldn't take a pencil." "Yes they do if they are looking for fingerprints."
5.  "I couldn't read. It was too dark." "Why didn't you turn on a light?" "I couldn't." "Why?" "I was hiding because I was in trouble."

Oh I am so looking forward to tomorrow and more delightful excuses. This may be a VERY long year!

Welcome Class of 2011-2012

A new year has begun - two weeks later than I ever remember. I was ready for those 27 (that's a lot) little kiddos. They will be interesting . That's all I've got to say about that today. I'm sure that I'll have more later.

One thing I do each year is let the students help develop the rules for the class. Wasn't prepared for their suggestions, all based upon past experiences. Rule #1: Don't bring lighters or matches to school. Rule #2: Don't spit loogies in people's faces. Rule #3: Don't put poop in your hand and throw it at the ceiling. Etc., etc., etc.

Yip. It's going to be a great year!

Unrealistic Views

I think it is so funny how students view their teachers. I remember when I was a youngster and I thought my teachers were so old. Now I realize that those teachers who I thought were nearly dead back in the day are now only in their 80s. That means they were around my current age. That is weird. No wonder my students occasionally call me "Grandma".

The other thing I find funny is that students think teachers live, drink, and sleep teaching. I can't count how many times students have asked me if I have a whiteboard at home. Or, they nearly faint when they see me at the grocery store because I have left the school. One time a student asked me where I slept in the school, like I'm a firefighter at a firehouse.

Yesterday was the best example of the odd views that students have. We were talking about "Finding the Area of a Shape" in math. Second grade uses a very basic approach to this concept, mainly just introducing the vocabulary. But, as we were discussing, I mentioned that mathematicians have developed formulas and algorithms to make finding area easier. One person in the class asked, "What are mathematicians?" I answer, "Mathematicians are people, MUCH smarter than me, who make math easier for people." Oscar raised his hand and said, "Mrs. Grant. There are people smarter than you?" Oh, that is the sweetest thing. My heart swelled with pride and I was thinking what a good teacher I must be.  Until Treyson shouted out, "Oh, yeah. There are LOTS of people smarter than her." Instant humbling.

Love those kids!!!

What are the Chances?

For the last 25 minutes of every day I, along with two other people, teach a small reading intervention group - 6 special education children. (This has been an amazing eye-opening experience. I never realized the incredible struggles that these little kiddos have to deal with.) Anyways, Mr. Laha (short for a name that no one can pronounce) has been playing a word game to help build decoding skills. There are 300+ tiles, in two colors, that are turned over and then drawn at random. First you draw a yellow tile (the onset or beginning of a word) then you draw a green tile (the rime or ending of a word). If the two parts make a match then you get to keep it. The winner has the most tiles at the end.

Well, Mr. Laha had two children working with him. The first child drew two tiles - onset "wh" and rime "ore." Whore. Student: "Mr. Laha is this a word?" Mr. Laha: "Nope." (That's what you have to say. How can you explain the definition to a 2nd grader?) The second child drew two tiles - onset "sl" and rime "ut." Slut. Student: "Sss-lll-uuu-ttt. Slut. Is that a word?" Mr. Laha: "Nope." (Again one of those words that can't be defined to a 2nd grader with comfort.) The first child goes again - onset "f" and rime "art." Fart. Student:  "Mr. Laha that is a word!" True. That's a word and a keeper.

Of the 300 tiles in the pile, what are the chances that those 6 would be drawn. Love these days!!

The Benefits

Sometimes, just every once in a while, there is a small pay off for all the efforts you put in. If you'll remember, last year, I blogged several times about a child that tried my patience, made me want to quit, and exhausted me every single day (he has never missed a day of school). Well, the only thing that I truly was looking forward to this year was watching his 3rd grade teacher tear her hair out and look at me with awe as she wondered how I survived. Well, that isn't happening. Yesterday, while I was on recess duty (and it was a whopping 3 degrees), the student came up to me and said, "Mrs. Grant, I'm not having any trouble this year." I told him that it was because he was such a good student and I knew he could do it. Then he said, "Do you know why I'm so good this year?" I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders. He smiled backed and said, "It's because you were such a good teacher for me last year." Then he asked if he could stand by me the whole recess. Who could refuse that? The child that I couldn't stand and caused my stomach to churn spent the entire recess chatting with me. It was delightful!!!

That's a benefit of my job.

Family History

The kids in school are always telling me who they are related to. Up in these parts there are many trees that don't branch far. Those are my favorite stories. "I'm my own grandpa. I'm my own grandpa. It sounds funny I know, but it really is so. I'm my own grandpa." Many students will be able to sing that song.

Today I had a cute, and less disturbing, geneology lesson.

Student:  Mrs. Grant. Pocahontas was my Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandma.
Me:  That's nice.
Student: That makes me 50% Indian and 50% Pilgrim. She married a Pilgrim, you know.
Me: Indeed, indeed!

HAHAHAHA. I really love 2nd Graders.

Have Holes - Will Fill

Yesterday, my Language Arts Class built "Puff Mobiles." These are "vehicles" that are built using a specific number of items. They are totally created by the imagination and skill of the builder. One of the items used was a straw. Some of the students used only a portion of their straws and so little bits dropped to the floor. In the clean-up process not all these pieces were thrown away. Which brings me to part 2 of my story.

In the afternoon, my match class was about to take their first "Math Fact Test." You would think that the students were taking the ACT or LSAT. They were so nervous about this. (Even though they were the +1 and +0 facts. How scary can that be?) As we were just about to start, one of my students begins to plug one nostril and blow air AND snot out the other nostril. He continues doing this at a rapid fire rate. Then he raises his hand and says, "Mrs. Grant. My nose hurts." In my most disgusted sympathetic voice I said, "Do you think you need a tissue?"  He just looked at me.

Well, that was enough of a lull in the test taking process that now about 10 students need their pencils sharpened. I head back to the sharpener and have "The Nose" come with me. As he walks to the back of the room he says, "I have a straw stuck up my nose."  blow blow blow blow blow

"You've gotta be kidding me!" I said right out loud. I told him that I would help him as soon as I got the students started on their tests. He smiled and continues to blow. Then he touched his nose and said, "I can feel it clear up here." That straw was way up there. That's when I realized this was a job for a pair of tweezers and not my tweezers. He would be visiting the Principal.

Three more pencils to go and we would be off to visit "the boss," as he is referred to by my students. "The Nose" grabs a new tissue and scrunches up his face, closes his eyes, and blows harder than he has ever blown before. Out shoots an inch long portion of a straw and plenty of boogers. Suddenly, "The Nose" says, "Hey it doesn't hurt anymore. Is it out?" To this a little girl that had been standing in the pencil line looks up at him and runs her left hand down her right arm and said, "YES," as she wiped all that snot away.

"The Nose" smiled and skipped back to his seat while the little girl and I got some soap, water, and anti-bacterial gel.

Awww! Never a dull moment in 2nd grade.